Our marriage vows have been tested in the last week — and I’ve learned that I am much more particular than I ever realized. Due to a broken leg and subsequent surgery, I am on bedrest for two weeks. On doctor’s orders, I’ve had to use crutches to do necessity trips — leaving my family and friends to do most of the tending to me.
They’ve been incredible, particularly my husband, who has never felt a calling to go to nursing school. He’s doing his best, but the tending does not come naturally for him, especially when paired with my particular ideas on things.
For example, every morning, I have a Topo Chico with a Twist of Lime with ice in my insulated cup. I savor every drop. There is, what I believe to be, an obvious correct Topo-Chico-with-a-Twist-of-Lime-to-ice ratio.
My husband was unaware of the proper drink-to-ice ratio.
Additionally, I’ve realized this week, that my husband and I do not open or close curtains the same way. I’m careful to bring a curtain all the way and precisely to a certain marker or the edge of the window. My husband just flings the drapes willy-nilly, with no regard to symmetry or the curtains being fully opened or closed.
I’m sitting there in my bed, watching him and marveling to myself, “How does he not know this? How can a grown man who has had a successful career not know how to properly close a curtain?”
And yet, he does not.
On another note, there have been times this week when he has had the audacity to cover my injured foot/leg with my preferred blanket. And at other times, he has had the audacity not to cover my injured foot/leg with my preferred blanket.
How does he not know?
One afternoon, he fixed me a delicious bowl of soup and brought it to me. Then he sliced and toasted two pieces of homemade bread — and just handed them to me! No butter or small plate in sight!
One morning, I asked him to hand me my brown long shirt from the closet. Instead, he handed me a gold checked one. (I will admit that what he gave me has been the perfect thing to wear as I recover, but how does one not see the difference between a brown shirt and a gold checked one?)
On another day last week, he fixed me an incredible meatball poboy. He brought it to me in bed and handed me my bed tray and a cloth napkin, which is always my preference. At which point, I said, “Ohhhhhhh, this is one of my very nicest napkins. You don’t ever use these napkins with Italian food or any kind of tomato sauce.”
He dutifully took the fine linen napkin and went to get me another, less fancy, cloth napkin — and all was right with the world. (He has later explained that when he made the sandwich, he almost brought me a paper napkin but knew better — and therefore got the linen one.)
I’ve realized that I have a lot of assumed knowledge that I simply believed my husband and everyone else knew and understood.
I was wrong about that.
With all this said, the poor fellow is exhausted. Thankfully, our daughter Greer drove home from her grad school program in Florida to be here to help. When I commented to her that she knows so many more specific little things than her dad does, she replied, “Mom, I’ve been training my whole life for this.”
She explained that I had generally spared her dad my detailed instructions on how things should be done. However, she didn’t have the option of not paying attention to my instructions, with me as her mother — and had long ago figured out it was easiest to pay attention and get it right the first time.
She got the right amount of ice to my Topo Chico with a Twist of Lime.
She dimmed the overhead light to the exact right setting.
She filled the right bowl (the small black and white one, for the record) with chocolate covered raisins and brought it to me as a snack.
She switched out the ice pack with a bag of frozen green peas at precisely the right moment and in the right spot.
I’m so grateful she is here — as much for me as for my husband, who had handled about as much of me as he could handle.
Together, along with our friends, they have been an amazing support team. I will forever be grateful.